Exasperated as I hear my weak and helpless crying. Incinerated; my self worth and will. Echoes seeping in through a veil of disease. Inner fire extinguished by these fruitless tears. While my infected eyes are weeping. My shame and anger is thriving. My skin and bone eroding. My energy declining. My sense of self dissolving. My body disintegrating. A landscape of flesh, Of panoramic life and death just the same. Wretched pains pulsing. A stabbing, blinding hunger for nothing but pain. An unwilling hunger. A hunger for nothing but pain. Wretched pain. Beckoning death. When will this end? Will it end? When did it begin? It did begin. An odyssey of senility. Constant instability. As life drains out of me. Body dragged through a swarm of flies. Drawing ever closer to a pointless demise. Femurs removed, coccyx shattered. Bones within a body that never mattered. A carpet of boils draped across this fetid, reeking, wheezing carcass. Septic toenails curling. Scraping, grinding, burning. Peeling fragments inflating. An inutile body deteriorating. Diminished mind conceding defeat. Flaking away like salt in a stream.

No way out. No way back. No way up. No way down. No exit. No hope left. No help comes. No light finds you here. You are lost, you are hungry. You’re alone, egregiously lonely. Your thirst unquenched, your hunger insatiable. Your memories of life outside are fading and drifting away. Fading and drifting away. Hopeless. Voiceless. Godless. Lifeless. Living and dying, the lines are blurring. Screaming and breathing; the difference deceiving. Senses are blurring in the senseless blackness. They’ll get no sharper from the ceaseless practice. You run, you look, but you will find nothing. No hope, no peace, no life for you here. Get used to living a life where you’re dying. Over and over and over and over again. And over again. All over again. Dying all over and over and over again. And again. Searching but lost. Forever alone. Weak from thirst. And hungrier than ever before. Obsessed with living. Pointless and unforgiving. Submit yourself to this. Accept that there is no way out.

Evacuate this sour earth. Now that my body has lost all its worth. Fucked up in every way. Nailed. Impaled. Twisted. Blistered. Corpses around. Litter the ground. Swollen. Fallen. My audience. My kin. Light the match, fire is rising. My skin starts to crack, bubbling and black. Only I am worthy of inflicting this on me. My burning, my furnace. Self fucking mutilation. Self immolation. Boiling blood. Vomit and piss. Do nothing to kill the fire. Losing sensation in all of my limbs. Smoke suffocates. Suffocates. Smell of flesh. Burning flesh. Removing the weakness from inside my mind. Protruding bones, scorched to the core. Self fucking immolation.

My soul, myself. Can't stop rotting. Head full of nails. Feels like burning. Can't fucking sleep. Can't fucking breathe. Crawl up the walls. Piss blood, dry heave.

Rancid affliction, sickly flesh consuming me. In this prison of leprosy. Stigma devours, viral symptoms surfacing. Stagnant entrails, always burning, always seething. Hideous abominations. Multitudes of boiling souls in thraldom to pain. Mycobacterium. Consumes the flood of the human stain. Lethargy takes hold. Violent sickness uncontrolled. The virus has taken hold. Aggressive illness leaves me cold. Sepsis seeps in, screams of pain surrounding me. In this prison of leprosy. Sickened, afflicted, rancid blood is drowning me. Surging hatred, always burning, always seething. Visibly rotten, decaying from within. A living nightmare. A tapestry of fevers and pains. Living for death. Disintegration of a human being. Organs failing one by one. Struck down and crippled without remorse. Airways shudder as the throat grows coarse. Pale and weakened, faith rots away. Seamless nights now swallow the day. Fever burning. Skin is crawling. Death comes slow. Death comes calling. Rotting inside, spewing and blind. My skin seeping shit and blood in my spit. Has god struck me down? In plague to be bound. The causes all blur, yet still I suffer. Hellfire scorching through my skin. Never knew that I could get so thin. Choked bile burning within. I feel the hand of god. My hopeful future lies in the hospital bin.

Repellent, repulsive, rotten to the bone. Pugnacious, revolting and crawling alone. Here you lie writhing, Buried right up to your neck. In a sound made to torture, To rip, to rot, to ruin and to wreck. A shameless display of simple fucking power. The will, the way, of power. Power! Biting and gnashing at your will to resist. You want to turn away, but can you turn away? Vile, foul, abuse impending. Vicious, relentless, impalement unending. Rising and falling in undulating cycles. The method of maltreating everything clean in the soul. Made to torture. Contrived for slaughter. Incarnate dolour. Built from filth. Fists broken, knees smashed in. Surrender to the filth or be killed from within. Fed glass until you swallow. Defeat the mind and the heart will follow. Spitting blood through broken teeth. Begging for death beneath the screams. Repellent, repulsive, rotten to the core. Pugnacious, revolting and lusting for more…

Unnervingly similar to my reaction. The influx of fissures in my self-sown hell. Discomforting likeness to my inner workings. A maze of confusion, sound and smell. A realisation that this truly is me, Confronted with crippling, unbearable truth. Saturated by turmoil and disgust. A life ripped outward, away from its youth. Unsettling presence of unsound principle. Unwanted exposure of hidden depravity. Only I can confront this travesty. What is it that you think you can achieve here? My very being, my mind and my soul, Frail and exposed to the eyes of the world. What was once mine, solely my property, Now bound by atrophy to rot and unfurl. Its iniquitous determination affecting my thoughts. Disrupting my perception, feeding me hate. The world is blurred through my skewed vision. Resounding fragments and facets of pain. No escape from pain. No freedom to gain. No way to abstain. My will is draining. Pulsating waves of crippling agony. Stripping me of reasons to remain alive. Unbearable pain flows through my body. Slowly eroding my will to survive. Is this what it's like to die? Virulently it permeates, piercing the layers. Violently cutting its way to the core. Intrusively stripped of the comfort of privacy. Writhing in shame, enduring more and more. Like a slave beaten down and locked in a cage. I submit to woe, knowing no-one ever cared. Growing anguish splits my rage, And drives out all hope for a life repaired. Who am I to long for any better? I am left stricken with hopeless despair. Who am I to reach out for help? I am not deserving of love or care Who am I to go anywhere but hell? My soul is corrupted; my mind in strife. The mess of my existence lays scattered around me. I absolve all the fragments by ending my life…

Corroded body. Slowly soiling mind. Unquiet, unsound and going blind. Brain cells die. Thought patterns slow. Darkening eyes stare into the void. The declination of a mind slowly dying. Trapped inside a body overcome by disease. Limbs fall to the ground as the eyes lose their sight. Emptied of faith, devoid of peace. Hate for this condition of blissless pain. Dull colours have become all the same. As they blend into shadow and doubt. Dying within and dying without. Rotting within and rotting without. All senses blur into shadow and doubt. Illness first met with resistance. Resistance diminished to weakened despair. Despair ushered in slow defeat. Defeat beckons fevers and pains. Frantic panic and despair. A tightening throat gasping for air. Slow suffocation. A steady increase of pain. Fever-stricken, bed-ridden and writhing in pain. Drifting away. Drained of warmth, drained of focus, just drifting away. Desperately clawing but still drifting away. As the mind decays. Light. Pulse. Endless rot. Corruption of flesh. Cognitive disintegration. Losing its grip upon the body. This brain so desperate to regain its own. Once in control, now powerless and cold. As it feels its skin shrivelling with mould. Mould. Pain comes from nowhere, rending in waves. Tearing and searing, ripping and boring. Paralysis greets entropy, entropy beckons the grave. Senseless pulsing of pain, hits again and again. And again. No means by which to defend. Accept this suffering. Endure the final state of living. This life is unforgiving. The horror will linger even after the body has died. Now the body is gone. But the mind clings on. A self-sustaining will. Living on even after the host is killed. Strong enough to survive. But still weak and barely alive. Stripped of purpose, an aimless brain. Continued survival is all it can gain. A putrefying shell now all but hollow. Desperation falters to submission. The body is gone, the mind will follow. Senseless to continue clinging to life. No longer clinging to life. Accepting decay.